Post by Kyle on May 23, 2007 2:23:04 GMT -5
Top Ten Mandates by Brian France to Make NASCAR Like the NFL
10. All officials’ uniforms will be black and white striped with a “Nextel yellow” hanky protruding from the back pocket.
9. Qualifying will be replaced by a lengthy series of “elimination” coin tosses to determine the starting lineup.
(The official NASCAR coin will have the likeness of Brian’s face for heads and a horse’s butt for tails.)
8. Bumping in the corners will result in a call of “pass interference” and a 15 car length penalty.
7. Pit road and the grass in front of it will be marked off in 1 yard increments.
6. Speeding on pit road will now be called “Illegal Motion.”
5. Flipping someone the bird is now “Illegal use of Hands.”
4. Cars will run one quarter of the race one way, then turn around and go the other direction for the next quarter until the end of the race is reached.
3. All races will be moved to Monday Night with Al Michaels, John Madden, and Dan Dierdorf commentating.
2. A driver will be given three extra points every time he steers his car, at speed, between two iron posts permanently positioned in the corner.
1. In an effort to boost ratings, team cheerleaders, now required, will now be officially known as “tight ends.”
10. All officials’ uniforms will be black and white striped with a “Nextel yellow” hanky protruding from the back pocket.
9. Qualifying will be replaced by a lengthy series of “elimination” coin tosses to determine the starting lineup.
(The official NASCAR coin will have the likeness of Brian’s face for heads and a horse’s butt for tails.)
8. Bumping in the corners will result in a call of “pass interference” and a 15 car length penalty.
7. Pit road and the grass in front of it will be marked off in 1 yard increments.
6. Speeding on pit road will now be called “Illegal Motion.”
5. Flipping someone the bird is now “Illegal use of Hands.”
4. Cars will run one quarter of the race one way, then turn around and go the other direction for the next quarter until the end of the race is reached.
3. All races will be moved to Monday Night with Al Michaels, John Madden, and Dan Dierdorf commentating.
2. A driver will be given three extra points every time he steers his car, at speed, between two iron posts permanently positioned in the corner.
1. In an effort to boost ratings, team cheerleaders, now required, will now be officially known as “tight ends.”